The Iowa State Fair

Andrea and I spent the day at the Iowa State Fair with Chad and Lindsay, and it was definitely one of the best/most interesting times I've ever had at the fair.

One reason, came as we were leaving the fair and decided to walk through the petting zoo. We came upon the miniature donkey exhibit and there were two male donkeys, who appeared to be playing. Upon further inspection, it became obvious that we stumbled upon some sort of barely legal, somewhat homosexual, and incredibly interesting donkey incest game.

The older male donkey was biting the younger donkey on the back and legs, in an attempt to mount him. The younger donkey kept running around the ring playing the best defense he could, and after a few minutes of dodging big brother, he would stop and do a pretty nasty donkey kick in an effort to get the older one off his back. He kicked hard too. Like, hard enough to probably knock out a full grown man. Problem is, he kept missing his target. So, the biting kept going on and on, and the kicking would soon follow. Chad and I watched like 2 kids watching a cartoon. And to make the situation a little weirder, there was a pot bellied pig in the same kennel. He had to be pretty pi$$ed about having those two jackasses for roommates.

The other reason this fair rocked was for the simple fact that I came back with more money in my wallet then what I left with. Chad informed me of this booth that was sponsored by a Credit Union, and they did "Fear Factor" type stunts for cash. All you had to do was sign a waiver and be prepared to eat something or get something dumped on you....

We got there and got our waivers signed as a pretty big crowd was forming. They started out by just throwing out t-shirts and $1 bills and a couple other trinkets to the crowd. Then they paid some guy $5 to put lipstick on him, then gave him $10 if he ate the lipstick. He did... he even chewed it. Next up was paying someong $5 to drink glass of lemon juice. Then he asked the golden question "Who's hungry?" My arm shot up in the air like I was trying to dislocate my shoulder. The guy saw me... pointed at me... then continued to scan the crowd... then he came back to me and said "You... come up here?". Asked me my name and asked if I was allergic to shellfish or any other types of food.

He said he was going to pay me $20 / glass to drink stuff that may not taste that good. He said they would be about 2 oz each, the equivalent of 2 shot glasses. I agreed.

First off... liquid smoke. It went down pretty easy, but the aftertaste was horrible. $20 in my pocket nonetheless.

Next... raw oysters in some sort of thick oily liquid. Down the hatch they went, and they were actually pretty tasty. I didn't mind those at all. $20 in my pocket.

Next... habanero sauce. Thick and hot, but not too bad. $20 in my pocket.

Next... a double shot of lemon juice. FOr some reason, this one was terrible. I'm not really sure why, because when you think about it, it should be the easiest. $20 in my pocket.

When I thought I was done, he said that he'd give me another $20 to eat a spoonfull of Wasabe. I agreed. Licked it off the spoon, and when that stuff hit my throat, I thought I was gonna die. That stuff made my eyes water, and turned my stomach into a gurgling volcano.

Total of $100 in my pocket made it a little easier though.

Now, take all that stuff, and add it to 2 beers, a footlong corndog, chocolate chip cookies, and a glass of milk, and you got yourself a recipe for disaster. Which is brewing in my stomach right now as I type this.

I'm pretty sure around midnight tonight I'm gonna be feeling that habanero sauce again, only this time I'll be burning south of the border.

Other people got $100 to have catfish stinkbait rubbed in their hair, an iPod to a gril who let them paint her blue with housepaint, an X-box to a guy that dresssed up in pink clothes, and then let them cut his hair anyway they liked him, $100 to a girl who let the guys cover her in peanut butter and jelly. All of that was pretty funny because they rubbed so much of the stuff in their hair, which has got to be impossible to get out.

You can see pictures of the stuff here -> http://anythingformoneyiowa.com/highlights.htm
Someone was taking pictures of me as I was drinking those shots, so I might eventually be in one of the galleries.

A very memorable day at the fair with great company really completed this weekend for me.

Oh, and just in case you didn't notice... my use of the word jackasses above, in my opinion, was very well played.